Home Is Where The Heart Is Not
by Enchantment of Rose
Summary: Fanfic for Stephen Lawhead's The Song of Albion Trilogy. Set after The Endless Knot. Lewis learns to accept his loss, but will there be a way back at the cost of a friend? Maybe a little romance later. R&R please!
1. The Search

**(A/N) Love Stephen Lawhead books. I was so surprised he didn't have his own category!! So I decided to write him a fanfic.**

**Disclaimers: I own nothing.**

Lewis's head was caressed lightly in Susan's arms as he sobbed silently. Susan knew what he had gone through. He had told her everything. About loss of his beloved wife and unborn child, his best friends, his kingdom; his people. He was dead to them and there was nothing he could do to tell them he was still alive. He couldn't ensure their happiness or safety like he so longed to.

Lewis jerked his head up suddenly and ran to the coat rack. They were in the dorm room he once shared with that snake Simon. Lewis slipped into his suede jacket, which seemed to not fit very well over his broad muscular form. He swung open the door and slammed it shut behind him without a word of explanation to Susan.

Susan soon shook out of her state of shock and hastily grabbed her coat and followed after him.

"Where are you going?" Susan demanded.

"I'm going to Nettles office." Lewis shouted over his shoulder in cold defiance.

"How are you going to get there, hm?" Susan shouted back. She despised when people took her so lightly. Like Simon did. "Are you going to walk?" she continued her voice rising and echoing down the spiral of stair flights, "You don't have a car! Are you going to take a cab? 'Cause you don't have any money, remember?" After no answer she cried at his back as she was inching closer to the strutting man in front of her, "Lewis! Listen to me! Let me help you!"

Abruptly Lewis pivoted on his heels and looked down at Susan who had lost her balanced and almost stumbled into him.

"Please, Susannah." His words dripped with sorrow and sincerity, "My name is Llew. It is not _Lewis._" Then he turned into the parking garage that lied underneath the building. He quickly found Susan's maroon Lexus and stood by the passenger door. "And yes, I would appreciate your help."

Susan nodded gravely and the both climbed into the car and drove off. Within ten minutes they were back in the stuffy and seemingly endless mess of Nettles former study.

Llew examined the room with a keen eye before he began ripping apart the bookshelves, flipping through the bountiful amount of books. Dust flew up, thickly permeating the air with a distasteful veneer. Susan ended up fighting off a coughing fit while Llew furiously continued his literature crusade.

"Lewis!" Susan wheezed, "I mean Llew! What are you…" she was cut off by a coughing fit but she managed an audible "looking…for?" between hacks.

"I need to find a way back!" Llew howled. Then he collapsed to the floor with defeat. His mighty shoulders slumped as he started to weep. "I won't ever get back, will I?" he said more to himself than to his concerned companion.

Susan went over to squat by Llew. She opened her mouth to speak but then shut it again knowing that no amount comforting words would help his bleeding heart. Instead she just knelt there and slipped an arm around his shoulders and cradled him into warm embrace. She stroked her fingers through his ruffled pale brown hair in a soothing continuous routine.

"You smell like…_her._" Llew whispered after his sobs had quieted down. "I will never forget it. The smell of honeyed mead laced into her warm breath. Her body radiated with the scent of lilac water and…" he trailed off into a broken sob.

"Shhh," Susan cooed gently. "Savor your memories" She hugged him tighter and soon she realized that her own tears were lightly falling on her friend's quivering shoulder.

_Oh Lord, _she prayed, _please help my friend's broken heart. Mend it so that he will learn to love again. Amen._

"To whom were you praying to?" Llew asked with soft curiosity.

Susan's reverie shattered at the sound of his voice. She had not realized she had been praying aloud. "I-I" she stammered as she searched for the words to say, " was praying to a man."

"A man? But men are sinful. They could not answer such a prayer."

"Well it wasn't just any man. The man I prayed to is the Son of the only God. The scar of sin is not branded across his heart for he has not done wrong."

"And what is his name?" Llew retorted.

"Jesus."

Llew was silent then. There in the back of his mind was a memory of the story of Jesus. The man of no sins had died for those who had sinned, who were sinning, and who would sin.

"I would like to go home now." Llew said softly in a low tone.

"Alright." Susan replied simply. She rallied up her keys and they solemnly left the tiny apartment and clambered back into her car.

They reached Llew's apartment and entered in silence. Llew flopped down at the small kitchen table and buried his head into his crossed arms.

"Llew," Susan said in her most concerned tone, "would you like me to spend the night?"

"Do what you'd like. I don't care." Came Llew's muffled reply.

"Alright, then I'm staying!" Susan riposted trying to add a lighter mood, "God knows, you might try to cook something and then next thing you know the whole building will be in flames!" Her little just did nothing to lighten Llew's sour mood, so she sent him to his bed. She could not believe he actually went at her command just like a little child, without so much as a challenge or complaint.

Susan sank to the sofa and let out a deep sigh. _He's going to be tough to get through to, _she thought to herself. But before she could finish her train of thought she had nodded of to sleep.

**(A/N) So how did ya like it? More coming along as soon as I get some reviews! Constructive criticism welcome!!  
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	2. A Time For Mourning

**(A/N): Hey! Wrote another chapter. Shorter than the last I think. Oh well. I just can't seem to make things long!! I try to be very descriptive (or as much as I can without going over the top), I try to pace myself inserting character's and thoughts but I just can't seem to do it!! Suggestions for fillers would be highly appreciated.**

"Susannah," Llew's steady voice echoed followed with a light nudge to the seemingly lifeless form curled up in a blanket on the couch, "Susannah wake up."

Susan moaned and unwillingly opened her eyes to adjust to the pale light that flooded the sizable apartment. "What is it, Lewis?" Llew, squatted next to her, wincing at the use of his former name, but excused it due to her state of somnolence. They didn't get back to the apartment until well in the night, and he could not blame her for being so tired.

"I want to go for a walk" he said simply and made for the door.

"Wait," Susan dragged herself out of her warm haven and slipped her sandals on. "I'll come with you," she said with an approving nod from Llew.

They stepped out of the building onto the campus grounds. The chill of the morning predicted a windy and crisp day with clouds to overshadow Oxford. The pair strolled down the sidewalks lining the shops and dormitories. Eventually they turned into a desolate park, which only produced a few morning joggers, some with their finely bred dogs panting beside them. Llew and Susan stopped to sit on a chipping bench that stood off the cobble stone path.

There they sat in silence as the world arose from its long night. Feeling no need to break the talking fast, Susan just sat their observing the shadowy trees, rustling in the breeze but most of all, she observed the concentrated look frozen on Llew's face.

"I just," he began softly, "I just wish I could embrace Goewyn one more time. I wish I could see my son become a man. I wish I could build up my kingdom; my people to be worthy of honor." He lowered his eyes to stare deeply into the muddled grass, "I wish I wasn't here."

Susan nodded. "He shouldn't be here," she thought to herself, "Oh, why had he been taken away from his home? His real home." Before she could stifle it, a tear came creeping from her eye, which released what seemed a flood of feelings. She buried her face in her hands and wept openly. She wept for Simon, and how he would abuse their relationship, she wept for herself, but for the most part she wept for Llew.

A strong arm soon caressed her shaking shoulders in a congenial embrace. Without words, Llew shed his lonely tears with her, both not caring who passed by or what they thought, for it was a time for mourning. A time that should be undisturbed until the sorrow had run it's course.

Somehow Susannah found herself and Llew walking back to his apartment almost mechanically. On the way there Susan suggested they stop by at a café to get a bite to eat due to her rumbling stomach crying out for food.

The first café they saw was an Internet café, with the smell of fresh baked pastries and bagels diffusing out through the open door. They seated themselves at a table, ordered food and coffee. A waitress brought their food along with a resentful expression revealing she didn't like to work the early shifts.

"I haven't had a bagel in eight years." Llew said as he was munching on his breakfast.

"Eight years?" Susan exclaimed, "Not eight years, surely. More like 6 months."

"It was eight years in Albion," he retorted , "Time quickens in Albion at an unusual rate. For, really, it has no rate."

"Oh," Susan cooed in simple defeat, "You certainly do not look eight years older. You look…different, but not older."

Llew nodded his head and went into one of his trances when he was deep in thought. He was still so distant, and Susan wanted to help him so much. She wished she could take all of his sorrows upon herself so he wouldn't feel the pain; even it was for a moment. But his pain, she assessed, was the only thing that connected him with Albion; the pain was merely just a mirror of his memories.

Susan peered into Llew's distracted hazelnut colored eyes as he sipped his steaming black coffee with a squint of distaste. The waitress seemed a little taken aback when he asked her if the had any sweet mead.

Finally Susan opened her mouth to speak, "How would you like to take a trip to Scotland?"

"What?" Llew seemed surprised more than confused, though. "You sound like _Simon_," he muttered his words dripping with disdain.

His darkly sarcastic remark hurt Susan deeply. It angered her that he would compare her with that monster. She had showed him nothing but kindness and concern since he came back. But she disregarded his remark since she perceived that it was made also in anger towards Simon.

"I did not mean it like _that_, Llew and you know it," she chided. "I thought you might want to go there. As a matter of honoring the past and to remembering it with the highest regard."

"When would we leave?" he answered as if the deal was sealed. All that was left for him was the "when."

"We leave today if you want. Let's see…we can be there by morning if we leave before seven and don't make too many stops..."

"Okay then. Let's leave. Today." The strange thing was, Llew surprisingly almost seemed anxious to return to the place where it all began.

**(A/N): A little constructive criticism** **PLEASE!! Alas I believe it is hopeless. To anyone how is reading this, how did you like it? It was strange, when I was writing this chapter I repeatedly found myself unconsciencely writing in Susannah's first person POV. I liked the way it sounded, but now it's too late to fix. It makes me sad:'(**


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